i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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