dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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