some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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