He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
