Do you still have your period?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
