dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
