i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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