and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize