either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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