If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I would fuck him just for his dog
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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