i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
