What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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