Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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