I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
