Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
