just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
