I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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