o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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