And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
