It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
