She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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