Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
