I think I won the penis lottery.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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