Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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