That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
