How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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