Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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