remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
