It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
