I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
