we're blogging at a bar
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
