You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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