just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How does one acquire holy water?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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