i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
