I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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