went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
