so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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