Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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