"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
smell my finger.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
