She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
