his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
