she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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