hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
