I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
nutella sex= disaster
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize