Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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