He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
