would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
