I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
