saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
