you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
