its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
