So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
