and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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