I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cannot find my penis.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
