I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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