Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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