Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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