the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
