for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
