we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
