i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
