This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
