miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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