I can text with my tongue
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
