i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
is wine microwaveable?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
