I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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