Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
