just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
