I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
