I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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