I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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