ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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