I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize