Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
