me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
