toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
how does that bad decision feel?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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