What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
