Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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