you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
