I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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