Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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