i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
