My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
