The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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