You work out of a Hotel?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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