ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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