And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
