worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
