Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
