he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
