I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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