I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
