She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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