OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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