I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
