i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
