Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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