getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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