when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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