I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
