I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
