I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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